Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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