just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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