Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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