Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize