it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
