Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
wanna go halves on a baby?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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