The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
