i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
