I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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