Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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