this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
