Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
