my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
