My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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