No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
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