it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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