i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
