I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
