Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
