I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
