just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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