did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
