I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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