Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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