my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
