haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
