I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i dont even know how to be here
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You're like the curious george of whores
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
