My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
