Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
