Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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