Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
