when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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