dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
