I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
