I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
