I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i barfeds in our rink
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize