What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
