if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
