Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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