I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
