Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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