Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
my nose is crying tears of wow.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
