Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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