He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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