Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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