i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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