I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
