so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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