After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
