hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
