I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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