she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
i think i just naturally attract stoners
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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