hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
