I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
