woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
What a dumb baby whore.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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