i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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