I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
