i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
