like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
