A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
