So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
