The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
