i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Bring me that man meat
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
