Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
