I will die if light touches me.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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