I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
