we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
