Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
dude. I can hear the air.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
