he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
