I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
