I'm really into asian looking animals
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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