The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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