i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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