Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
